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Gung Hay Fat Choy!
By Victoria Elizabeth, Fri Dec 9th
Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2005. GUNG HAY FAT CHOY! -- GET OUT AND CELEBRATE "THE YEAR OF THE ROOSTER" 2005 --
On February 9th, people all over the place will be ringing inanother Asian Lunar New Year – THE YEAR OF THE ROOSTER! It’s time to dance with Dragons, bang on the drums, light thosefancy firecrackers (left over from Halloween), crack open thefortune cookies, and let’s have a bash – ‘cause the "Rooster’s"back in town! For those of you who haven’t got a clue what’s going on, theparty animals are out in full force. This year, “Rooster” rulesthe roost! And, that means anyone born in 1921, 1933, 1945,1957, 1969, 1981, 1993 and of course, the newborn "Roosters" of2005. Yo there Chinese astrology fans, if you recall, “Rooster” is thethird from the end of the 12-year Chinese Zodiac cycle of crazycritters including first the Rat, then Ox, Tiger, Rabbit,Dragon, Snake, Horse, Sheep, Monkey, (Rooster -- sometimescalled Bird or Cock) followed by, Dog and Boar. Actually “Roosters” are easy to spot. They’re perky, plucky,punctual creatures who don’t need alarm clocks or wake-up callsfrom the front-desk hotel clerk. These conventional crittershave also been known to cut a mean tango, twist, or two-step onthe dance floor at weddings, retirements and wakes. Besides preening their feathers and admiring themselves way toolong in the mirror every day, "Roosters" (as are "chicks")flashy dressers. So, keep your eyes peeled for anyone wearingspiked heels, black fishnet stockings, sparkly mini skirt andmatching halter-top with maximum cleavage. And, watch out for abuns-of-steel stud with a colorful rooster tattoo on his rightbicep, wearing nothing but a shoe-string thong or skimpyloincloth. No, it's not a figment of your vivid imagination...it's just a "Chick" and a "Rooster" doing what comesnaturally!! For those interested in more far-flung fowl facts, take a weepeek below. In the meantime, suffice to say that all those “lady” birds earntheir keep by laying oodles of eggs for Farmer Brown. (Lordknows why these "lucky ladies" get a bad rap as “hen-peckers”;no doubt Farmer Brown had something to do with it). On the otherhand, the clucking “cocks”, (who spend most of their timefluffing up their feathers or sidling up to the hens offeringthem the best bugs and worms in the barnyard), usually end up as“roasters” -- on the supermarket shelf or in a KFC bucket! "Roosters" tend be a tad eccentric, self-oriented, outspokenbarnyard
creatures, and why not. Who else is consumed withdevising yet another bird-brained, “stroke of genius” schemethat no one else can pull off? When not doing dashing detectivework, playing Doctor-Do-Little or Naughty Nurse Nellie, orrummaging around in people’s heads as a high-priced successcoach (psychiatrist in another life), "Roosters" often get lostin a favorite pastime -- deep-musing -- which is second only tofrolicking about in bucolic settings with pretty young chicks. When it comes to choosing lovely libertines or life-timecompanions, "Roosters" are a rather discerning lot. Not anycreature will do thank you. Just keep those fowl-challenged folk(like the rambuctious, twitchy-nosed "Rabbit") well away fromthose ripsnorting Red "Roosters" -- pleeease!! The best mates for "Roosters" are "Snakes". Just avoid talkingabout Adam and Eve, or the snake in the Garden of Eden apple; itspoils the Rooster's appetite. And whatever you do, make sureyou don't introduce any snake oil sales associates, snakecharmers, and in the grass ... or there will be hell topay! If you don't know any venomless serpents, try "Oxes". Every"Rooster" needs to find a beautiful if not brave beast of burdenwilling to plod along affectionately, and not to complain tooloudly about having to share a load of smelly organic materialfrom the barnyard of life. And as a final note, in order to keep your rooster happy, justfollow these three things: 1. Let them be Cock of the Walk/Wok for one day. (Heck, that’sthe least you can do; after all, they know how to keep time, dothe runway thing, and cook stir fried meals for guests -- youdon’t)! 2. Listen to their cock and bull stories. (They desperately needan appreciative audience and besides, you don’t really mindbeing entertained by a Big Bad Rooster do you!) 3. Warm the cockles of their hearts like there’s no tomorrow;you’ll have a fabulous feng-shui friend to play with for atleast the next 365 days, or possibly a lifetime and beyond --provided you blow sweet nothings softly in his/her ear. (Anddon’t forget, this advice also works well on February 14th,"Valentine’s Day", another occasion to try out all the reallyneat adult toys, chocolate candy kisses, and little red hearts.) May the Feng-Shui Force Be With You This Year, and before Iforget ... GUNG HAY FAT CHOY! WISHING YOU HAPPINESS AND PROSPERITY THROUGHOUT 2005!
About the author:Victoria Elizabeth, contributes her pithy poppycock to anyonewho will listen -- especially her loyal, long-suffering subjectsover in the Court of the Quipping Queen atwww.quippingqueen.blogspot.com
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